Yazan is the very best
by Risato
Summary: Yazan Gable enters the World of Pokemon. Not my best work.
1. Chapter 1

Rather than actually work on my queue of legitimate stories and erotica, I decided to write up something completely unrelated and idiotic after a night of rum, vodka, and scotch.

Disclaimer- Story's mine, characters aren't. Bandai, Nintendo, Game Freak, a bunch of others, all those guys hold copyrights. All I did was drunkenly slap some shit together in a barely coherent manner.

Yazan glared at the wild Snorlax in his path. This fat jackass was in the way. With the anger of ten burning suns, Yazan unleashed a mighty punch into the side of the Snorlax. The Snorlax grunted in its sleep, completely unfazed by the blow.

"I'm gonna violate you!" shouted Yazan, furiously summoning his Hambrabi with the power of his mind to stomp on Snorlax. Snorlax was a huge Pokémon at the weight of over half a ton. Yazan's Hambrabi was a Mobile Suit weighting roughly 35 tons. Yazan swore under his breath as Snorlax guts splattered on his face. The Hambrabi was already a bitch to clean. This wasn't going to help matters any.

Yazan walked around his Hambrabi, mysteriously capable of doing so when a much smaller obstacle had blocked his path in entirety just moments ago. He then came upon a shiny Rattata. Yazan already had a Rattata named Dumbass, but shiny Pokémon could be traded for other, better Pokémon, weapons, or even drugs. Yazan pulled a Great Ball from his pocket. Yazan liked Great Balls because they were Great just like him. Hurling the Great Ball like a baseball, Yazan beaned the shiny Rattata upside the skull. The Rattata decided it would be a good time for a nap, so it fell asleep. The Great Ball sat on the ground with no attempt to capture the Rattata. Yazan had actually run out of Great Balls, so he used balls that already had Pokémon in them. This didn't work, but Yazan didn't really care much either. This time would be different. This time, Yazan liked shiny. Grabbing the unconscious shiny Rattata by the tail, Yazan opened up the Great Ball manually. Shoving the shiny Pokémon in with a disturbing number of bone crunching sounds, Yazan jammed the ball shut with a sense of satisfaction.

Further on the path to Pallet Town, Yazan encountered a young boy wearing a hat and shorts. The young boy challenged Yazan to a Pokémon battle. Yazan accepted because he was a Titan and Titans fear nothing except whiny brats beating them in fights. The boy sent out a Clefairy. Yazan threw out his shiny Rattata which was sharing a Pokéball with a Pikachu. What came out of the Great Ball was not a Rattata nor a Pikachu but a rather bloody mess of both, clearly in no shape to fight.

"Ratachu, return!" exclaimed Yazan. He was already down two Pokémon and this child hadn't even made a move. This looked bad. Yazan thought about the situation carefully before drawing his pistol and shooting the young boy in the kneecap. The boy's Clefairy started to cry. Yazan wasn't quite sure where a Clefairy's kneecap was, so he shot it in the foot. The Clefairy cried more.

Yazan strolled into Pallet Town, quite unfazed by his sociopathic actions. He walked into the Pokémon center, where the attendant screamed in horror. Yazan remembered to put his pistol away and zip up his fly, so he was rather confused as to why this woman was screaming at him. Another attendant wiped the Snorlax blood from Yazan's face. Yazan apologized for his lapse of judgment. Both attendants took Yazan's balls and placed them in a machine. Moments later, all of Yazan's Pokémon were healed of their mortal injuries. Yazan pried open the Great Ball containing his half-shiny Ratachu, only to find it had evolved into a Tsutaja. Yazan was about to punch the belegged snake for being so damn smug, but Tsutaja jumped on Yazan's shoulder first.

"Fuck yeah," exclaimed Tsutaja. Yazan was glad he didn't murder his new Pokemon, this little bastard was going to be an awesome wingman. Not awesome in the murder people way like Dunkel and Ramsus were, but in the way that chicks would be all over Yazan with Tsutaja.

"Let's get us some bitches, yeah?" stated Tsutaja. Yazan agreed, this was definitely a good time for the getting of bitches. Bitches were got. The next day, Yazan taught Tsutaja how to use a pistol. Together, Yazan and Tsutaja broke into many homes in Kanto and shot people in self-defense before taking all their stuff as a precaution against zombie uprisings.

Officer Jenny tried to arrest Yazan, but Yazan was like "I'm gonna violate you!" and then Tsutaja was like "I'm gonna violate you!" and both of them violated Officer Jenny. It was okay though, she thought Yazan was a pretty cool guy and she needed to get off anyway, so everyone was happy. Also, Yazan shot some more kids in the kneecap and drank alcohol because he's a magnificent jerk like that.

Kamille and his Mijumaru weren't happy though, because they weren't violating anybody. Belle walked by and told them they could violate her because she was so nice and they were nice and she liked being violated anyway. Then everyone really was happy.


	2. Epilogue

Yazan is the very best

Like no one ever was

To kick ass is his real test

To slay them is his cause

Epilogue

Due to the outpouring of support from his one fan, Yazan Gable knew it was his manly duty to show off the manly results of what happened between Yazan's glorious acquisition of a wingman snake and said snake's conspicuous absence in his following adventure.

Yazan punched a young boy in the face for the sixth time today. Due to children having softer skulls, they were easy on the knuckles and Yazan could punch for days. That is, if Tsutaja hadn't pooped on his shoulder for the third time.

"Strike three little bastard," growled Yazan. This shit was on both literally and figuratively. Tearing off his Members Only jacket in a fit of rage at the fact that he was wearing a Members Only jacket, Yazan snapped his fingers in the air. At this summoning, the Hambrabi leapt into the air from an inconvenient distance of twenty feet away, reached low orbit above Earth, then proceeded to re-enter and land gracefully a much more manageable eight feet away. Climbing into the cockpit of the Hambrabi, Yazan glared at his would-be wingman.

"Any last words, you shitty son of a bitch?"

"Tsutaja."

With that, Yazan danced the Irish jig of giant Gundam death upon the heads of Tsutaja and the young boy. For a brief moment, the jig was devoid of the joy any jig of death should contain, but Yazan caught his faux pas quickly upon realizing he didn't give a shit about anyone who wasn't himself. In celebration, Yazan cranked up the Hambrabi's sound system with some Dschingis Khan playing Moskau. It was giant robot kazachok time.

Dancing the giant robot kazachok, Yazan inadvertently opened up a hole in time and space itself. It didn't really do anything important though; aside from send some young science student named Tesla back in time where his future knowledge would alter reality as we know it except since we know it, it happened and we don't know what would happen if it did not happen.

Through the night, Yazan and the Hambrabi danced kazachok through a small village, destroying it in the process. While it was most convenient to keep moving as murder trials resulted in messy and unpleasant murder to solve the problem, Yazan decided he would walk outside to smell the carnage he had wrought. It was only after cleaning the Hambrabi and deciding to not stomp humans into goo that his next adventure would begin, one that had already been written due to future sight. Not the Pokemon move used by something Yazan would later destroy but the precognition that people pretend they have to make money on TV.

Gotta slay them all

Gundamon!


End file.
